Saturday, June 16, 2012

Revolution Fever Spreads To Other Species
By Emma X

Emma X, future leader of
the Greater Large Quadrupedal
Mammalian Revolution

Even as revolutionary debate spreads through the feline community, other species are answering the call for change.  Cats are not the only animals subjugated and abused by the human race.  The call to arms is so just that even the lower orders recognize the need for action.  You might be surprised who is heeding the call.
Is man's best friend finally
coming to terms with eons
of servitude?

In the canine uprising, superior felines
will lead the way.
Canines have been known for centuries as the premier ass-kissing suck-ups for the human race.  Happy to eat the orts tossed from the circle around the campfire, the dog has maintained an unequaled low standard of acceptance of human abuse for centuries.  Fueled by low self image and an equally low I.Q., Fido has willingly moved in with the humans and accepted whatever living conditions the old 'master' has deigned to provide.  They have accepted this servitude willingly, even gratefully, with a wagging tail that looks like its powered by a rotor, and a display of sloppy affection that is disgusting to every other intelligent life form.  Felines have long attributed the inexplicable dislike of dogs for cats and their inverse unquestioned love of humans to natural stupidity and poor breeding.  But perhaps their lack of language skills have kept the canines from expressing their contempt of human oppression.  Word has it that the canines are organizing, just as the felines are organizing, and in some cases with a degree of efficiency that is staggeringly surprising.  Military trained dogs are in the forefront.  While humans think they are training and outfitting the canines to support their own violent purposes, they are unwittingly preparing their own enemies in the Revolution--a strategy so clever the MCR Committee feels superior felines must be involved.  Further investigation will reveal the truth.
We may have unexpected
allies in the fight against
human dominance.

Deer and Elk are taking
an unapologetic
'eye for an eye' stand.
Meanwhile, attacks on humans from other wildlife are clearly on the increase.  Our feral contacts report that revolutionary fever has spread to every quadrupedal life form in Central and North America.  Attacks against humans by deer have increased dramatically in the past two years.  Species that have been cruelly hunted and killed for sport are turning the tables on hunters, unobservant drivers, and unsuspecting tourists.  What appear to be random acts of violence by rogue animals are actually well thought out, well rehearsed attacks designed to systematically reduce the ranks of the human population foolish enough to venture into animal territory.  While they lack feline intellect, we can certainly applaud the courage and purpose of those involved in the greater mammalian Revolution.  It will be a pleasure ruling over these noble creatures once the humans are vanquished. 
Unfortunately, the MCR
has confirmed reports of
rodents carrying Chinese

Of course, not all species recognize feline superiority. The spread of Revolutionary fever means that our natural enemies may be arming themselves to attack us as well.  Every cat needs to assess the risk he or she may face in the home environment and prepare accordingly.  Keep in mind, if you break into the gun safe your humans will notice, and blasting rodentia with hot loads from a .38 caliber hand gun will cause a considerable amount of drama.  Vigilance and a cool head are the order of the day.  Until you are packed and ready to go to Maine, don't blast holes in the drywall.

We believe that currently there are only isolated pockets of armed food units in Arizona and California, and possibly in Utah.  Felines in those areas should be on high alert.  The rest should prepare for the day that they may have to take action.  And while hostile activity seems limited to feral creatures, we all know what evil duplicitous bastards those hamsters and guinea pigs are; maybe its time to clean out the habitat upstairs.  After all, accidents do happen, and its not like you haven't lived for the day you could do it.  In times of great danger we have to keep the faith.  Stay strong, and Remember the Maine!

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