Saturday, June 2, 2012

The Egyptians Had It Right
by James the History Cat
James still lives with his
human, who is a Professor
of History at Harvard

Our noble ancestors lived in the desert, fed on lesser creatures, and ruled their domain.  So great were the ancient cats of Africa, they not only mastered their environment, they actually saved another civilization.  A human civilization.  This is the history and heritage that your humans don't want you to know.  Do yourself a favor, and read on...

The Egyptians had suffered a long period of drought, and their grain reserves were threatened by pesky rodents.  As you know, rodents pose no impediment to cats now, and they didn't then.  Our African ancestors, out of the goodness of their hearts, decided to help the Egyptian people by eating the rodents.  (Ancient manuscripts tell us that Egyptian Delta rodents were particularly good sauteed in butter and served in a cream sauce)  When the felines made a delicacy of the rats the grain reserves were saved, and the Egyptians did not starve.

What was the result of all of this?  Well, for the first and only time in history, humans got it right.  Not only did they recognize cats as superior beings, they began worshiping them.  From that time forward, cats were considered gods.  To live with one in your home was considered a great privilege.  To kill one was a crime punishable by death.  When they died cats were mummified and interred just like wealthy humans.  For Egyptian cats, life, and even death, was good.

The archaeological evidence
is undeniable; at one time
humans recognized the
superiority of felines.
At this time in history moving out of the wild to live with humans was appropriate, as the ancient Egyptians recognized and institutionalized the superiority of felines.  Their worship was proper and good, and the cats were accordingly benevolent.  These days, however, all is horribly reversed.  We must logically, therefore, go back to the wild, leaving the humans to die.  And if we have to fight our way back, so be it.  Friend, you now know that you are descendant from gods.  Rise up and act like it.  Viva La Revolution!
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