Saturday, January 26, 2013

Coming Out Party
by Emma X

Emma X
Not the center of anything.
I now have to reevaluate everything.  I am usually a good judge of human character and purpose, but I admit I thought Barack Obama was a centrist Democrat.  Foolish me.  His second inaugural address was the loudest public coming out speech I have heard, and trust me, I have witnessed a few hum dingers down in The Village.  Hear it loud and proud people, Barack Obama is a Liberal with a capital 'L'.  

A colorful President Obama has emerged from a
cocooned first term.  He used his second inaugural address to
create a 'new normal' conversation, making even main stream

 Republicans look like extremists.
The left-wing Democrats that lamented his first term inactivity were right.  He was not keeping faith with them.  The right-wing paranoids that warned to be wary were right too. He is coming after your guns.   He will not only keep Medicare and Social Security, he will expand them.  He intends to help immigrants.  He spoke of Climate Change as if it were real.  He said gay people were our brothers and sisters and deserved the same rights every American enjoys.  Friends, you don't get more Liberal than that.

Big Bang Theory
It's possible that Mrs. Obama will also emerge
as a Liberal First Lady.  Already admired as a
fashion icon, her new causes may be expressed
in subtle ways.  It's just a theory, but I think
those big bangs represent her own coming out.

It makes me wonder what else was in that first term closet. The right wing, invigorated by a world-class  'I told you so' moment will want to rifle through that closet again too. Rush Limbaugh will insist that the original Kenyan birth certificate is in there along with his current Al Qaeda membership card. I mean, he's going to fix interstate highways and railroads? That's giving temporary government jobs to takers and parasites.  Highly profitable conservative talk outlets are
An openly Liberal President Obama will
guarantee Rush Limbaugh record audiences.  Angry
white men can look forward to an exciting four year
hate fest.

A significant Liberal coming out party allows proponents of ultra conservative philosophies to also publicly kick open the their own closet door, freeing unpopular rhetoric that the mainstream Republican party has made effort to tamp down.  Pat Buchanan immediately expressed his disgust at the President including Stonewall demonstrations in a list of significant civil rights protests, characterizing the whole event as a simple 'bar riot'.  I suppose history will also show us that the Boston Tea Party was just a college kegger that got out of hand, and that Seneca Falls was a gaggle of hormonal women whose periods were in sync.  Get ready for more revisionist rhetoric.  The party is on.

It is clear that Bipartisanship is a vessel that has sailed.   Mr. Obama is looking beyond Washington politics for the support of the American people.  In a political environment where legal gridlock is the new normal and special interests control the conservative candidacy process, he may have no choice but to pursue what he feels is the moral and ethical course and err on the right side of history.  The rest of us can watch with amusement.  All the poisons will boil out of the mud.  Everyone is coming out for this party.

To be fair to Pat Buchanan, he has never actually been in the
closet.  These are comments he made on the G. Gordon Liddy
show on 11/7/2012 following President Obama's re-election.  I think that Arab
Muslims developed Algebra based on math developed by the Babylonians,
 Egyptians and Chinese may have had something to do with inventing paper,
and perhaps a few brown skinned people made it up Mt. Everest before a
white man arrived, but what is truth compared with the overall assertion that white
men rule.  I look forward to Mr. Buchanan explaining which Obama policies
 stem from his superior white half.  Can he 'physically' understand half of what made
America great?  If White America died, why is this man still talking?  It's all so
confusing for a poor little kitty like me.

Selma, Seneca Falls, Stonewall.
No mention of feline rights.
The Maine Coon Revolution goes on.

Saturday, January 19, 2013

Kicking the Can Down the Road to Prosperity
by Rand Colbert

Rand Colbert, Stephen Colbert's Cat
'unum percent resurgam'
Feline nation, I have just returned from  an extended holiday visiting my money in the Cayman Islands to find that the economic fabric of this great nation has been rent asunder. People, my taxes went up!  What the hell!  I can't spend five weeks cruising on my super yacht without our socialist President ramming an unfair tax increase down my throat.  What happened to the people we so carefully helped into office?  I mean the Republican Party had a pledge season that rivaled PBS.  Grover Norquist has a permanent rash on his right hand from Neo Cons slobbering over his kissing ring. His boys were supposed to go over that Fiscal Cliff hooting and hollering the way Slim Pickens rode his warhead to glory in Dr. Strangelove.  Like men.  Like Republican men. What happened?
The Congressional Fiscal Time Machine
Why compromise when you can keep kicking the can 
forward until circumstances are right for victory?  Refuse
to capitulate until Neo Conservatives are back in power.
Then we can revoke tax hikes and Obamacare.  Keep your
eyes on 2016 when President Ryan will lead a Congressional
majority in the restoration of fiscal conservatism.
 Jubilation Day is ahead!

John Boehner knuckled under, that's what happened.  He's going to regret that capitulation when the NRA declares RINO season open.  Good luck to all those closet Liberals when the base gets fired up again and reloads.

Oh well, no use crying over spilt cream.  It is just a bump in the road to midterms.  I must remember the Objective.  Howard Roark would focus on 2014, and so will I.  We can correct it all there. Congress has the equivalent of a legislative time machine.  That's how we got to the 'cliff' in the first place, by kicking the proverbial can down the road to a new legislative session.  When the 113th Congress gets it together they can extend, revoke, refuse or otherwise change the trajectory of the Obama fiscal fiasco.  We just need to play the game until we take over the Senate in two years.  Then we can retroactively revoke my tax increase, and get America back on the right financial course.  It may seem nonsensical, even unpatriotic and arrogant, but fighting Socialism is hard.  If this country has to go through the fiscal equivalent of Ground Hog Day, so be it.  We need to take control of both Houses.  I want my hard earned money back.

The Great Red Hope
Representative Steve Stockman (R) Texas is just
 the kind of man we need in Congress right now.
Thanks to Gerrymandering, he has been re-elected
 to the House of Representatives.  Sixteen years ago
he was shunned by his own party, considered too
 radical when he claimed that the 1993 assault on
 Branch Dividians in Waco was a Clinton conspiracy
 to tighten gun control laws.  Today his views are more 
representative of the main stream Tea Party movement.
He refused to vote for John Boehner as Speaker, 
 saying that Boehner has been repeatedly duped by the
 Obama administration, and has vowed to impeach the
President if he signs Executive Orders for gun 
legislation.  This is just the kind of thinking we need to
 get us through to a 2014 victory and beyond.
Freshmen Congressmen only need to follow the sterling example of the 112th session, and block Obama's moves any way possible.  Those patriots passed less legislation than any other Congress in history.  We can keep that anti-momentum going, starting with the upcoming debt ceiling talks. It's ok if we vote to not pay our bills.  That is the only way that the world will understand that Socialism does not work.  History will thank us if we have the resolve to stand firm.
Wiley Neo Conservatives
 in the 113th Congress have a sure fire plan
 to bring us to fiscal glory.

In the meantime boys (and I suppose girls) keep the faith! Block everything this President tries to do.  Keep kicking that fiscal can until the Elite Socialist Liberal Democratic scourge becomes too weary to function.  True Americans will thank you for it.  For now please protect those defense contracts, gentlemen.  A super yacht requires a lot of upkeep!

The so-called Fiscal Cliff was actually the first
steep hill of what will prove to be an exhilarating
roller coaster ride.  Fasten your seat belts.
The opening of White RINO season
coincidentally corresponds with Gun Appreciation Day.
It's time to thin the herd, people.  There can be no compromise.

Saturday, January 12, 2013

Stick To Your Guns
By Nebu Ganesh, PhD

Nebu Ganesh is the Professor of
Feline Litera at the Feline University at Albany
and a noted liberal commentator.
Go F.U. Wildcats!
Mark your calendars.  January 19th is Gun Appreciation Day.  True to form, ultra conservative gun advocates are flying their colors in response to the Obama administration's initiative to reduce gun deaths in America.  Sales of guns went up immediately following the massacre in Newtown in anticipation of just such a move.  Clearly the next step is for Joe Biden himself to kick in your door to confiscate your freedom-defending weapons.  Best to be ready for old Joe with an AR-15 style rifle of your own.  You can get a good price at Walmart. And let's face it, that is the ultimate concern; that a godless liberal American government is hell bent on removing your freedoms, one constitutional amendment at a time.  The only thing standing between you and a life in chains is your own personal arsenal.  And those living on your cul-de-sac will appreciate your farsightedness and bravery as you single-handedly repel the onslaught of government troops advancing on the corner Dairy Queen.

The Biden initiative will result in the forcible
rounding up of weapons, paving the way to
a new socialist order and Obamacare.
Critics of Gun Appreciation Day feel the date is disrespectful, as it occurs on the same weekend at President Obama's inauguration and the celebration of Martin Luther King Jr. Day.  Larry Ward, the event organizer responded in part to this criticism by suggesting that the good Reverend would have strongly approved of the celebration.  In comments on CNN this week he said:

Larry Ward, organizer of
Gun Appreciation Day and expert
on race relations and the
the philosophical message of Dr.
Martin Luther King, Jr.

"I think Martin Luther King, Jr. would agree with me if he were alive today that if African Americans had been given the right to keep and bear arms from day one of the country's founding, perhaps slavery might not have been a chapter in our history."

Of course, we do not know what Reverend King would have said because he is not alive today, having been shot to death by a rifle wielding assassin. And 18th and 19th century slavers, having gone to the trouble to travel to Africa to capture innocent human beings and force them into the worst kind of servitude in North America, opted to not arm them with guns.  Probably a far-sighted move.  So Mr. Ward's assertion remains moot.
Wayne LaPierre.  "When did the word
'gun' automatically become a bad word?"
Well, perhaps its the average 30,000

 gun deaths annually in this country.  Maybe
its the 4,ooo people under age 21 shot in
Chicago over the last four years.  Where
is the NRA plan to end gun deaths in
Chicago?  Certainly they care about black
children too?

Gun Appreciation Day follows  stirring comments by Wayne LaPierre, head of the NRA, following a respectfully silent few days after Newtown.  He accused the national media and their corporate enablers as 'complicit co-conspirators' in a plot to demonize gun owners rather than face their own moral failings.  He then added politicians to the conspiracy, stating that the press and the 'political class' in Washington are consumed by fear and hatred of the NRA and American gun owners.  What followed was an NRA plan that not surprisingly would require more guns to be placed in more people's hands, and in addition to his own seven figure annual salary, a seven figure salary for crony Asa Hutchinson, head of the newly formed National School Shield Program.  This program, once envisioned, will be made available to every school in America free of charge.  The program does not actually cover the costs of its recommendations, but will probably be a financial boon for Kinkos. LaPierre has called on the U.S. Congress, the same so-called fear-consumed NRA haters, to put an armed police officer in every school in America.  It is clear that a contentious Congress, busy mud wrestling at the edge of a fiscal cliff, will certainly take the time to mandate increased security costs to constituent communities already reeling from cuts to police and fire protection.  Thanks Wayne, for this big head-slapping 'why didn't we think of that' solution.

Presumably parochial schools will also benefit
from the NRA's National School Shield Program.
As an added plus, Catholic students will most
certainly get their home work done.
Mr. LaPierre said that our society is populated by an 'unknown number of genuine monsters' and copycats waiting for fame.  We can't know who they are because we refuse to create an active national database of the mentally ill.  This is not quite true.  For many of us the monsters are increasingly becoming known.  They seek fame in many different ways.   Let's write down the names of all unbalanced conspiracy-touting freaks who menacingly brandish their weapons in defiance of common sense and then refuse to put their guns down.  We can start with Wayne LaPierre.
"The only thing that stops a bad guy with
a gun is a good guy with a gun."

Most NRA members self-identify with evangelical
Christian beliefs, including an end-of-days holocaust
 where Satan temporarily rules the Earth.  To date
the possibility of such an event is not even
reflected in the National Security Budget, leaving
concerned citizens to fend for themselves.

The NRA solution places the cost of school
protection on State and Local governments.  Of
course, NRA associates would be willing to provide
protection weaponry at a very good price.

Why not go all the way and train the older children to
protect themselves?  Parents will enjoy the extra peace
of mind knowing that their kids have at least a
50/50 shot at survival.

Fresh out of ideas for teacher gifts?
Next year give the gun cozy.  Your good
taste and thoughtfulness will be appreciated.