Thursday, December 19, 2013

White Santa

White Santa
By Santa Claws
With Apologies to Irving Berlin

Santa Claws
He sees you when you're sleeping,
and he wakes you up at 4:45 a.m.
I’m dreaming of a white Santa
Just like the one I’ve come to know
When the treetops glisten, I pause to listen
And hear his familiar “Ho, ho, ho!”

I’m pleading for my white Santa.
How dare you say that he’s not real?
When he comes to please us, he brings white Jesus
And they provide that Christmas feel.

I do not like your black Santa
He doesn’t look like folks I know
Do I leave milk and cookies, like other Christmas rookies,
Or just a bag of snow-white blow?

And what would I do with brown Santa
When every Yuletide scene is white?
Should I have to cater, to some off-season waiter?
I can’t believe that that is right.

Is Santa White?
Here's proof that the carpet doesn't
necessarily match the beard!

I’m safer with the FOX Santa
With ruddy cheeks and skin that’s bright,
Because his lack would make me bluer; I'm an old and biased viewer
To whom a brother might cause fright.

I’m sticking with my old Santa
'Cause he is Jesus’ white friend Nick.
Don't let me hear you say, sir they make my Christmas “gay” sir,
You know the Bible says that’s sick.

I’m pulling for my white Santa,
The only one I’ve ever seen
On every card and letter, his business just gets better,
He’s white, but he can bring in lots of green.

I’m dreaming of my white Santa
'Though you may think that I’m a fool.
I may not see what's real now, but homey here’s the deal now
A man who looks like me should rule.

The Real St. Nicolas?
Don't trust Greeks bearing gifts!
I’m grateful for the 2nd Amendment
As we all move toward Christmas Day,
'Cause if some fur-clad pigmy comes down my freakin’ chimney
I'll blow that Kwansa elf away!

Now may your days be merry and bright,
And for God's sake let my Santa Claus be white.

Great Moments in Professional Journalism:  Megyn Kelly confirms the white genetic heritage of both Santa and Jesus for our children, but reminds us that her reporting was 'tongue in cheek', and that if we didn't understand that, we are humorless.  I don't know, it all seemed pretty funny to me.  In fact, I never take her seriously.

I’m dreaming of you, Megyn Kelly
Maybe you’d go for stuff like me?
Since I look like Santa, I'd like to plant 'ya
On my chubby, that is my cushy Santa knee.

I watch you daily, Megyn Kelly.
I don't believe what they all see!
I believe you have a brain there, but that stupidity you feign there
Appeals a lot to guys like me.

I think about you, Megyn Kelly
I love to see your pretty face
I like your FOX News hoodoo, and I see all that you do do
To keep white women in their place.

You cater to me Megyn Kelly
that makes me think that I have hope!
With our same philosophizing, and my special interest rising
My admiration ain't soft soap.

I don't give a damn my Megyn Kelly
If your credentials don't check out.
All that matters now to me is, and what I clearly see is,
You love a white man that is stout.

Here's to you my sweet Megyn Kelly.
I don't dare hope you'd be my wife,
But I like your skin so soft, dear and I like my blondes pissed off, dear.
Dear Meg, you have a fan for life.

So may all your ravings stay true.
I get all my Christmas joy from you.

 Happy Holidays Everybody!

Saturday, December 14, 2013

Special Education

Special Education
By Emma X

Emma X
Once you have proved
yourself remedial, you 
can expect to be re-
moved from the 
achievement group.
It’s official.  The 113th Congress has accomplished less than any other seated Congress in American history. Congratulations to all obstructionist Conservatives who made this questionable achievement possible.

The Congressional
presented by a pissed off nation
to members of the 113th Congress
in recognition of their historic
2013 group jerk-off.  When times

were toughest, you were at your
'uti me sicut enim exhibuistis membra

Of course, to them this is not a bad thing, as Speaker John Boehner himself suggested this week.  He stated he would rather be judged by the legislation they repealed rather than what they passed.  I guess he thinks that he finally accomplished something no one else has ever been able to accomplish, which is to build on a negative.

So let’s grade House Republicans on what they repealed.  Oops.  There were forty-three failed attempts to repeal Obamacare, and once again in 2013 their major repeal effort failed.  So the final Congressional report card score?  Zero performance, with concerned comments about attitude problems and aberrant antisocial behavior.

Sympathy for the Devil
In embracing compromise John Boehner has
not only invited vitriolic criticism from the hard
right, he is risking a possible lucrative post-
Congressional Conservative PAC job.  For a
career politician in today's patronage environ-
ment, there could be no worse outcome.
Of course, Boehner was hampered by the Tea Party, from whose perspective Boehner himself is a Socialist, with everything to the left of Boehner being part of the upcoming Satanic Apocalypse.   He forgets that early on you couldn’t separate his conservative rhetoric from theirs.  He mis-remembers how he welcomed their activism and publicly enjoyed their attacks on the opposing party.  How painful it must be for him now to be shamefully grouped in with the freedom-hating enemies of Jesus.

Got Milk?
The Tea Party has been like a bull in a china shop,
preventing both moderate Republicans and
Democrats from selling their wares.  The rise

of extremism and special interests in American
politics has educated everyone as to how fragile
Democracy can be.
But to his credit, Boehner is now part of the newly-anointed Centrist Republican voting block that has learned its lesson, albeit the hard way.    Ted Cruz performed his multi-city anti-big government road show, ending with a pyrotechnic homage to the John Birch Society that literally brought down The House in Washington.  Since it is Boehner’s job to clean up the damage, the issues are finally patently clear to him.  So now there is a bi-partisan budget deal that will end The Sequester and reduce government expenditures, an easy compromise that Boehner could have supported years ago had he not been dazzled by the heady promise of privileged life in a Conservative political Disneyland funded by rich activists.  Sorry for your disappointment, John.  We’ve all been there.  It’s time to go back to your meetings and work the program.

Signs of the Apocalypse?
Ted Cruz also took criticism from the Tea Party
this week for attending the memorial service
for Nelson Mandela, a man whose principles
are an anathema to the far right.  The only
black man they want to eulogize is President
Obama.  But Ted has moved beyond Party  
  dogma, and his signs are easy to interpret.
He wants to be viewed as a player on the
world stage, because he wants to be President.
His rabid supporters on the right may require
some special education as well.  Ted has learned
that in order to move up, you must eventually
come to a compromise.

So this is the legacy of the fighting 113th;  They show us that whatever we do in the world outside of Washington, however we may screw up, however badly we miss expectations, or how shockingly racist and bizarre our public rhetoric may be, we will never ever achieve the low mark that these teat-sucking toadies of Big Patronage have established.  Congratulations, members of Congress.  You are now officially the worst.  There is no need to be modest about it anymore.  Your report card is in.

But here's good news.  Now that The House has passed its first budget in four years, the Tea Party can try multiple times to repeal it, just like Obamacare.  There is no freedom-loving momentum like Democracy in action.  And it's always best to look busy when you're on the government payroll.

Having failed in every aspect of performance, Congress now qualifies for remedial special education.  Unfortunately they voted against that program.

Saturday, December 7, 2013

Tweet Conceit

Tweet Conceit
By Emma X

Emma X
It is a sweet tweet that bleats defeat.
The GOP is very good to its base.  They work hard to provide the emotional succor needed to justify a confusing Conservative social philosophy.  When doubts materialize, they are quick to respond with a comforting little made up aphorism.  For example, “How can you be racist, when racism is over?”  It’s a simple and sweet solution, and its most kind to anyone burdened with a pesky social conscious.  But what works for core voters does not necessarily play to the rest of the world, and that is where Reince Priebus has gone wrong once again.

Reince Priebus believes that a simple
misuse of words should not have garnered
the world-wide criticism that it engendered.
He is just trying to keep communications at
the third grade level at which he and his
Party base operate.  He thought that
congratulating the brave black lady for
choosing to ride up front was a nice way to
invite minorities to come in to the big tent.
It was a friendly thought that got lost in an
inappropriate discussion of semantics.
You can’t blame the guy for trying.  It’s much easier to just announce the end of racism than try to change Party culture.  And if the pen is indeed mightier than the sword, then a well-crafted tweet can end all debate in 140 characters or less.  It is an affirmative message that all is well, packaged in a repeatable savory nugget that comfortably fits the American voter's ever decreasing attention span limit.  In the end we are barely inconvenienced by philosophical debate.  All we have to do is believe and share.

Trick or Tweet?
Yes, it could have been a simple error.  But
the Supreme Court gutted the Voting Rights Act
of 1965 with the opinion that voter discrimination
against minorities no longer exists.  From the
Conservative point of view, the celebration of
minority enfranchisement is long overdue.

Priebus continues to promote the Republican Party as minority friendly despite all evidence to the contrary.  But he knows that Conservative media has successfully spoon-feed the faithful with subliminal messages that bolster the cause, such as “Obama is a Socialist and a Muslim”.  And social media gives Tea Party members that can tweet something to do with their hands while they’re sitting in their recliners watching FOX News.  So the Rosa Parks "racism is over" thing was beautifully crafted for consumption by base voters.  From Reince’s viewpoint that little revisionist pearl was also the perfect big tent Republican Party minority greeting.  What a shock it must have been for him to discover that people who are actually discriminated against on a daily basis do not agree with the assertion that racism has ended.  Conservative media has spent two decades constructing weaker and weaker arguments for discrimination until the whole topic is no longer considered rational in their book.  Perhaps RNC leaders have genuinely convinced themselves that the old nasty discussion is really is over.

Tweets for the Effete Elite.
Future efforts to convince minorities that the
Republican Party has their back may have to
beat a hasty re-tweet as well.  In the end, the
flagship effort caused even more negative
publicity for the RNC.
Well, maybe.  But I don’t believe it, because every other message the RNC sends out is crafted and polished like a well-cut gem.  Their purpose here was to help you to absorb the phrase “end of racism’.  Their naivete was not believing the message, but believing that it would float through Liberal cyberspace like a fairy-light, rainbow-colored butterfly.

The Republicans have spent no time trying to repair the rotting foundation of their antiquated house, but they have invested a lot of time and money in whitewash to try to sell it.  The “racism has ended” message was created and circulated long before it was boiled down to 140 characters.  The Rosa Parks tweet was just another little propaganda balloon that popped in their face.  And even though the intent was positive, RNC efforts to promote happy race relations have been stomped by the public rhetoric of Conservative bigots, and the damning obstructionist legislation put forth by Republicans in Congress.  You can’t vote against food stamps in this economy, or launch a vile anti-Mexican assault on immigration law and still tweet happy thoughts about how racial discrimination ended fifty-eight years ago when bus seating restrictions were reconsidered.  It is the repeated Party support of systemic racist policies that will alienate Republican national candidates from minority voters in 2016.   But keep thinking those happy thoughts, RNC.  If and when you get around to realizing that your Party actually represents the cultural values that put Rosa Parks at the back of the bus to begin with, then you can tweet us about that glowing revelation.  In the meantime, abandon cyberspace and get back to trying to repeal Obamacare.  No one can call that a failed political strategy until the effort actually ends.

"Today the MCR Revolutionary Council remembers Percival 'Midnight' Beeberman and his bold stand in ending the persecution of black cats as a result of the Santa Monica Incident, October 31, 1973." #meowbitches