Special Education

Special Education
By Emma X

Emma X
Once you have proved
yourself remedial, you 
can expect to be re-
moved from the 
achievement group.

It’s official.  The 113^th Congress has accomplished less than any other seated Congress in American history. Congratulations to all obstructionist Conservatives who made this questionable achievement possible.

The Congressional
Non-Achievement
Award
presented by a pissed off nation
to members of the 113th Congress
in recognition of their historic
2013 group jerk-off.  When times
were toughest, you were at your
worst.
'uti me sicut enim exhibuistis membra
Americae'

Of course, to them this is not a bad thing, as Speaker John Boehner himself suggested this week.  He stated he would rather be judged by the legislation they repealed rather than what they passed.  I guess he thinks that he finally accomplished something no one else has ever been able to accomplish, which is to build on a negative.

So let’s grade House Republicans on what they repealed.  Oops.  There were forty-three failed attempts to repeal Obamacare, and once again in 2013 their major repeal effort failed.  So the final Congressional report card score?  Zero performance, with concerned comments about attitude problems and aberrant antisocial behavior.

Sympathy for the Devil
In embracing compromise John Boehner has
not only invited vitriolic criticism from the hard
right, he is risking a possible lucrative post-
Congressional Conservative PAC job.  For a
career politician in today's patronage environ-
ment, there could be no worse outcome.

Of course, Boehner was hampered by the Tea Party, from whose perspective Boehner himself is a Socialist, with everything to the left of Boehner being part of the upcoming Satanic Apocalypse.   He forgets that early on you couldn’t separate his conservative rhetoric from theirs.  He mis-remembers how he welcomed their activism and publicly enjoyed their attacks on the opposing party.  How painful it must be for him now to be shamefully grouped in with the freedom-hating enemies of Jesus.

Got Milk?
The Tea Party has been like a bull in a china shop,
preventing both moderate Republicans and
Democrats from selling their wares.  The rise
of extremism and special interests in American
politics has educated everyone as to how fragile
Democracy can be.

But to his credit, Boehner is now part of the newly-anointed Centrist Republican voting block that has learned its lesson, albeit the hard way.    Ted Cruz performed his multi-city anti-big government road show, ending with a pyrotechnic homage to the John Birch Society that literally brought down The House in Washington.  Since it is Boehner’s job to clean up the damage, the issues are finally patently clear to him.  So now there is a bi-partisan budget deal that will end The Sequester and reduce government expenditures, an easy compromise that Boehner could have supported years ago had he not been dazzled by the heady promise of privileged life in a Conservative political Disneyland funded by rich activists.  Sorry for your disappointment, John.  We’ve all been there.  It’s time to go back to your meetings and work the program.

Signs of the Apocalypse?
Ted Cruz also took criticism from the Tea Party
this week for attending the memorial service
for Nelson Mandela, a man whose principles
are an anathema to the far right.  The only
black man they want to eulogize is President
Obama.  But Ted has moved beyond Party  
  dogma, and his signs are easy to interpret.
He wants to be viewed as a player on the
world stage, because he wants to be President.
His rabid supporters on the right may require
some special education as well.  Ted has learned
that in order to move up, you must eventually
come to a compromise.

So this is the legacy of the fighting 113th;  They show us that whatever we do in the world outside of Washington, however we may screw up, however badly we miss expectations, or how shockingly racist and bizarre our public rhetoric may be, we will never ever achieve the low mark that these teat-sucking toadies of Big Patronage have established.  Congratulations, members of Congress.  You are now officially the worst.  There is no need to be modest about it anymore.  Your report card is in.

But here's good news.  Now that The House has passed its first budget in four years, the Tea Party can try multiple times to repeal it, just like Obamacare.  There is no freedom-loving momentum like Democracy in action.  And it's always best to look busy when you're on the government payroll.

Having failed in every aspect of performance, Congress now qualifies for remedial special education.  Unfortunately they voted against that program.