Thursday, December 19, 2013

White Santa

White Santa
By Santa Claws
With Apologies to Irving Berlin

Santa Claws
He sees you when you're sleeping,
and he wakes you up at 4:45 a.m.
I’m dreaming of a white Santa
Just like the one I’ve come to know
When the treetops glisten, I pause to listen
And hear his familiar “Ho, ho, ho!”

I’m pleading for my white Santa.
How dare you say that he’s not real?
When he comes to please us, he brings white Jesus
And they provide that Christmas feel.

I do not like your black Santa
He doesn’t look like folks I know
Do I leave milk and cookies, like other Christmas rookies,
Or just a bag of snow-white blow?

And what would I do with brown Santa
When every Yuletide scene is white?
Should I have to cater, to some off-season waiter?
I can’t believe that that is right.

Is Santa White?
Here's proof that the carpet doesn't
necessarily match the beard!

I’m safer with the FOX Santa
With ruddy cheeks and skin that’s bright,
Because his lack would make me bluer; I'm an old and biased viewer
To whom a brother might cause fright.

I’m sticking with my old Santa
'Cause he is Jesus’ white friend Nick.
Don't let me hear you say, sir they make my Christmas “gay” sir,
You know the Bible says that’s sick.

I’m pulling for my white Santa,
The only one I’ve ever seen
On every card and letter, his business just gets better,
He’s white, but he can bring in lots of green.

I’m dreaming of my white Santa
'Though you may think that I’m a fool.
I may not see what's real now, but homey here’s the deal now
A man who looks like me should rule.

The Real St. Nicolas?
Don't trust Greeks bearing gifts!
I’m grateful for the 2nd Amendment
As we all move toward Christmas Day,
'Cause if some fur-clad pigmy comes down my freakin’ chimney
I'll blow that Kwansa elf away!

Now may your days be merry and bright,
And for God's sake let my Santa Claus be white.

Great Moments in Professional Journalism:  Megyn Kelly confirms the white genetic heritage of both Santa and Jesus for our children, but reminds us that her reporting was 'tongue in cheek', and that if we didn't understand that, we are humorless.  I don't know, it all seemed pretty funny to me.  In fact, I never take her seriously.

I’m dreaming of you, Megyn Kelly
Maybe you’d go for stuff like me?
Since I look like Santa, I'd like to plant 'ya
On my chubby, that is my cushy Santa knee.

I watch you daily, Megyn Kelly.
I don't believe what they all see!
I believe you have a brain there, but that stupidity you feign there
Appeals a lot to guys like me.

I think about you, Megyn Kelly
I love to see your pretty face
I like your FOX News hoodoo, and I see all that you do do
To keep white women in their place.

You cater to me Megyn Kelly
that makes me think that I have hope!
With our same philosophizing, and my special interest rising
My admiration ain't soft soap.

I don't give a damn my Megyn Kelly
If your credentials don't check out.
All that matters now to me is, and what I clearly see is,
You love a white man that is stout.

Here's to you my sweet Megyn Kelly.
I don't dare hope you'd be my wife,
But I like your skin so soft, dear and I like my blondes pissed off, dear.
Dear Meg, you have a fan for life.

So may all your ravings stay true.
I get all my Christmas joy from you.

 Happy Holidays Everybody!

No comments:

Post a Comment