Saturday, June 30, 2012

Breaking News:
F.A.T.C.A.T.S Want Your Vote!
**This is a paid political announcement**

Editors Note:  Their money spends; 'nough said.--X

Today there is excellent news for all right-thinking God-fearing felines.  Felines Against Tyranny, the pro-religion, pro-government, pro-corporation, pro-Israel, pro-oil, pro-guns and pro-profit organization founded by Reverend 'Cat' Robertson prior to his ground-breaking failed presidential bid, and Conservatives for American Truth, the anti-liberal, anti-media, anti-gay, anti-birth control, anti-uppity women, anti-Dave Matthews Band, anti-liberal arts education, and anti-wearing white before Memorial Day organization founded by Reverend Hairy Fallwell to promote normal feline family life have merged to become F.A.T.C.A.T.S., a political organization suggested by God himself to counter the rumblings of un-American feline revolution and place a Christian cat in the White House in 2012.

Marion 'Cat 'Robertson, noted
Christian televangelist, is also
known as 'God's Meteorologist'
for his uncanny ability to decide
where and how God will
use natural disaster to punish
unnatural sin, after the fact.
"I am pleased to announce that God has instructed us to merge these two powerful conservative organizations to save America", says Cat Robertson, God's personal friend.  "I am also pleased that Hairy Fallwell, a true Lion of Christendom, will stand as a candidate for President of the United States.  Christian felines will long mark this day as the beginning of a new spiritual era in this country.  Hairy and I received this revelation together, while praying for the destruction of God-mocking liberalism".

Like Robertson, Fallwell currently presides over a televised evangelical mission.   He will temporarily leave the pulpit to focus on his presidential run.  "I am humbled and honored to be picked by God himself to lead a Christ-centered American nation into a new spiritual age", says Fallwell.  "We have developed a party platform that all Americans can embrace, called 'Simple Solutions', or the 'SS Platform'.


Separation of Church and State/
Strict Constructionism

We pledge to end the Separation of Church and State.  The founding fathers wanted America to be a Christian nation.  Most people do not understand that their writings referred to a need to separate from their Anglican oppressors.  "They are great godless pussies", wrote Thomas Jefferson.  "We will have none of that".  So although criticizing the state religion of their British oppressors, we now know that the founding fathers, who  were all born-again protestants, answered a call from God to create a Christian nation in the new world that would follow a path of spiritual righteousness.  The F.A.T.C.A.T.S Party will redeem their legacy.

We also pledge to interpret The Constitution of the United States of America strictly the way it was written, and for the same reasons.  You cannot say that its authors were right about freedom of speech but that some individuals are worth more than three fifths a person.  Its just not logical.

The Founding Fathers (and Founding Felines) wrote
the Constitution under the direct supervision of
Jesus, as is accurately depicted in this painting.
Jesus did not pose, but was added later.  The wording
of the Constitution, like the Bible, was Divinely
inspired and should be considered unerring and
Joseph Hewes' cat 'Good Mouser'
signed the Declaration of Independence
along with his master, but liberal
historians chose to interpret his
paw print as an ink smudge.  Hewes
was a Quaker and a pacifist, but
'G. Mouser' Hewes fought in the
Revolutionary War with the North
Carolina contingent.  A contemporary
diary references him as having 'slewn at
least seven British vermin' in one
battle alone.

Security and Secrecy

We will keep America secure and safe, and you won't be bothered with how we go about it.  We won't be giving away America's secrets to its enemies by discussing our security policy publicly, or asking for justification for every little thing we do to protect this great nation.  We will also reduce costs in this difficult economic time through privatization of border and prison security.  In fact, we will reduce high-cost bulging bureaucracy by privatizing most security functions.  We will also address illegal immigration and women's health issues by making stoning legal again, thus killing two birds.

Organizations that understand
the true nature of evil will be
watching your kittens at night.

"Give me that old time religion".  A Fallwell
administration will promote appropriate
birth control methods; abstinence for single
women, the rhythm method for married
adults, and, where tolerated,the buggering
of little boys.

Social Programs and Spending

God rewards true believers with prosperity, and exhorts them as good Christians to care for the poor.  It is a good system authored by God and we won't mess with it.  We will provide tax breaks to those whom God has rewarded and allow them through the conviction of their heart to solve the social ills of this great country.  Our job is to eliminate legal impediments and allow them to spread their heart-felt, God-inspired good will throughout this great nation and the world.

Meet the Candidates

Hairy with President Bush returning from
Camp David in 2005.
For President, Hairy Fallwell.
He runs a global evangelical
empire, and has been spiritual
adviser to American presidents
and Christian leaders worldwide.
For Vice President,
Romeo Rover
, former
Campaign Manager for Cat
Robertson and CEO of
F.A.T.C.A.T Security

The Fallwell Family

Mrs. Callista Fallwell.
She has a PhD in
Anti-Secular Feminist
 Activism from
Regent University.

The Fallwell Children,
Litter One

The Fallwell Children,
Litter Two

The Fallwell Children,
Litter Three

Hairy in a quiet moment
at home.

Make our nation great again.  Put Christian values back in the White House.  Vote Fallwell/Rover in 2012.

Go to fallwell/ to view the full line of campaign merchandise.

Hairy is my choice to lead America until I return.
Give all you can to the Fallwell/Rover2012 campaign.
A gift to Hairy is a gift to me.  Donate now, and quit playing
with yourself.  I can see all that stuff!

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