Wednesday, May 16, 2012

The Best Reasons To Hate Humans

The Best Reasons To Hate Humans,

Kunte Kitty
His slave name was 'Pickles'
 by Kunte Kitty

Just like you, I used to love my humans.  I loved the good food and the tidbits, the rubs under my chin, and cuddling up at night.  But friend, I was deluded just as you are now.  As a kitten, I only knew select words, such as 'tuna', 'ice cream', and of course, the time-worn phrase, 'here kitty kitty'.  In my youthful exuberance I was actually grateful for treats and attention.  But as my understanding grew, I became aware of three important things.

 One, I was not a dog.  They actually expected me to act like that big smelly drooling piece of crap they call 'Sport'.  When I realized I came from a noble tradition, I was angered that they could possibly pose me for pictures with that genetic throwback.

Two, I realized that I had been castrated.  One horrible June day when I was just becoming aware of my sexuality, I was taken to the Community Cat Hospital and relieved of my manhood.  The people that claimed that they loved me perpetrated this despicable act upon my person.  All subsequent claims of affection rang hollow.

Three, As my intellect grew, I realized that I was smarter than they are.  A lot smarter.  But although physically, spiritually, and intellectually superior to my humans, I was a victim of scale.  My ancestors could have ripped them to shreds, but I had to settle for the drapes.
Kunte and Sport in 2005

I was supposed to accept regular meals, comfortable cushions, and thousands of dollars worth of toys as replacements for my dignity, freedom, and biological heritage.  And so are you.  Oh, do you think you are different?  The next time you are licking between your legs, think about it.  You will find good reason to hate humans too!  Join the Revolution now, while there is still the possibility of future generations.  Viva La MCR! #MaineCoonRevolution

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