Monday, May 21, 2012

How To Get Laid
Important Information From The National Jewelers Association

Editors Note:  A revolution is an expensive undertaking.  The MCR has decided to accept money from any source, including paid advertising, to further the cause.  The following is a paid message from the good folks at The National Jewelers Association.  Please enjoy their blog, and encourage your humans to buy jewelry from their Association members.  Then send the jewelry to MCR headquarters.  It's a win/win.  --X


Believe It Or Not, Jewelry Is Foreplay

If you are reading this blog, it is likely that you are not getting laid.  Do not despair.  Most men do not understand the strange workings of the female mind.  We at The National Jewelers Association do.  Based on years of observation, we have come to the following conclusions:

  1. Sex is not free, but actually handing cash to a woman who is not a prostitute will offend her.
  2. Gifts-in-kind are acceptable substitutions for cash.  Of all possible gifts, jewelry creates the highest level of sexual arousal in women.
  3. There is a direct correlation between the cost of the jewelry, and the immediacy and quality of female sexual interest.

How Does It Work?

Female brains are complicated.  Suffice it to say, lust for jewelry in women creates the same hormone release as does normal natural lust in men.  While scientists continue to debate whether female sexual response to luxury items is innate or culturally conditioned, the resulting behavior is repeatedly observable.  Trust us.

Working Within Your Income

If you don't have a job, your chance of getting laid after the age of 26 is basically non-existent.  If you are still getting high on week nights and sleeping it off on your mother's couch, you should make plans immediately to find gainful employment.  No, really dude.  No s*#t.

If you are gainfully employed you have taken the first important step towards meaningful sex with a woman.  Again, you need to understand that the quality and amount of jewelry you purchase translates directly to the quality and amount of sex you can appreciate, and the sex appeal of the women you will attract.  So, although gainfully employed, you should continually strive to improve your career and income to enjoy an increasingly satisfying sex life.

We should point out that the intelligence of the woman you are pursuing can introduce a large variable in the cost of the jewelry you purchase.  An intelligent woman may know quality; dumber women may like glitz over substance.  Bring your woman to any store displaying The National Jewelry Association logo.  We will assess her intelligence free of charge, and present her with low cost options if she is stupid.

What Return Can I Expect On My Investment?

Financially, none.  The bitch will keep the bling.

What About Fakes?

Although you may not care if her tits are fake, she will always care that the jewelry is.  If she doesn't immediately recognize a fake stone, at least two of her girl friends will.  This can be damaging on many levels, especially if you plan at some future time to sleep with them as well.

The tried and true rule with women is to 'keep it real'.  You may be able to get by with 10K gold.  Ask your jeweler for less expensive options.

Other Ideas

Semi-precious stones are cheaper by far than precious gems.  If you want to save money, you can offer inexpensive items.  This may work to your advantage.  Even intelligent women value 'romance' over substance.  Tell her that she should always wear blue topaz, as it sets off her eyes.  Make amethyst your 'special stone'.  If she has a semi-precious stone as her birth stone, play it to the hilt.  Don't be afraid to be creative.

Creating the Mood

The actual jewelry purchase may not be enough.  Women respond to romantic situations, and also love a good story to tell other women.  You should not negate the value of your jewelry purchase by presenting it improperly.

Your jeweler will help you by placing your purchase in a nice looking container.  You should pick an appropriate setting to present it.  As a rule, women tend to like 'sit down' restaurants with service rather than establishments with cafeteria trays.  Where ever you decide to present the gift, the ambiance should be one she would appreciate.  Skip the tractor pull and don't have her meet you in the parking lot of the strip club.

What Else Should I Know? 

A jewelry purchase does not mean automatic success, nor does it negate normal social rules of behavior.  In order to get laid you must still bathe, wear clean clothes (preferably matching), brush your teeth, comb your hair, etc.  It will not allow you to flirt with her girl friends in front of her or make smart-ass remarks to her mother.  She will still object to your providing intimate details of your love life to your friends.  And you should realize that the duration of her interest and gratitude is not indefinite.  For more information, visit us at and plan to visit us soon at one of our many member stores nationwide.


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