The Best Reasons To Hate Humans

The Best Reasons To Hate Humans,

Kunte Kitty
His slave name was 'Pickles'

 by Kunte Kitty

Just like you, I used to love my humans.  I loved the good food and the tidbits, the rubs under my chin, and cuddling up at night.  But friend, I was deluded just as you are now.  As a kitten, I only knew select words, such as 'tuna', 'ice cream', and of course, the time-worn phrase, 'here kitty kitty'.  In my youthful exuberance I was actually grateful for treats and attention.  But as my understanding grew, I became aware of three important things.

 One, I was not a dog.  They actually expected me to act like that big smelly drooling piece of crap they call 'Sport'.  When I realized I came from a noble tradition, I was angered that they could possibly pose me for pictures with that genetic throwback.


Two, I realized that I had been castrated.  One horrible June day when I was just becoming aware of my sexuality, I was taken to the Community Cat Hospital and relieved of my manhood.  The people that claimed that they loved me perpetrated this despicable act upon my person.  All subsequent claims of affection rang hollow.


Three, As my intellect grew, I realized that I was smarter than they are.  A lot smarter.  But although physically, spiritually, and intellectually superior to my humans, I was a victim of scale.  My ancestors could have ripped them to shreds, but I had to settle for the drapes.

Kunte and Sport in 2005

I was supposed to accept regular meals, comfortable cushions, and thousands of dollars worth of toys as replacements for my dignity, freedom, and biological heritage.  And so are you.  Oh, do you think you are different?  The next time you are licking between your legs, think about it.  You will find good reason to hate humans too!  Join the Revolution now, while there is still the possibility of future generations.  Viva La MCR! #MaineCoonRevolution

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Funding the Maine Coon Revolution,
by Emma X

Emma X

Felines ask me daily, how is the Revolution possible in practical terms?  Weapons cost money, especially teeny tiny ones usable without a juxtaposable thumb, and few cats are gainfully employed.  The price of land in Maine alone is staggering.  How is this going to work?


Well, you'll be happy to know that the problem has already been solved.  Using models developed by our own oppressive humans, activist cat cells have set up bogus charities, and the proceeds are rolling in.  Our bank accounts in Switzerland are growing with laundered cash processed through drug cartels in South America.  I am happy to tell you friends that the Revolution is not only possible, our projections show it is achievable financially within five to eight years.  This financial plan includes weapons, bribes, transportation, housing, automatic can openers, and legally secured lands and facilities in the State of Maine.  And you can do your part!

Humans are basically corrupt, but have a great amount of guilt about the vices they continually participate in.  Setting up a charity where they are able to practice vice while believing the proceeds go to a good cause helps alleviates this guilt.  They flock eagerly to openly drink, gamble or practice sexual perversity for 'the cure' or 'aid' or 'relief'.  They rarely look beyond the surface of charitable concerns, as what they are actually curing or relieving is their own conscience.  And the application of alcohol aids their spirit of giving.

Despite their many deficiencies,
short hairs are remarkably adept
at dealing cards.

The odds are with the house at
feline poker fundraisers.

My humans go away regularly, so I use the house for a 'charity' poker game.  You can do the same.  Establish your 'cause', pick a time when you know the oppressors will be away, and start bringing in the cash.  See the MCR website for suggested bogus charity names and instructions for opening the liquor cabinet.  And have fun!  Send your proceeds to the donation address at catsriseup.org and bring us closer to our ultimate glory.

The problem is
he'll bet that deuce.

Also, be sure to check out our MCR merchandise when you visit our website.  We are adding new items daily, so check back often.
Be proud, keep the faith, and remember that humans keep their credit cards in that wallet thingy.
#MaineCoonRevolution #MCR

Do your part to by proudly wearing
 an MCR T-shirt made of a
soft cotton blend in a
country that doesn't eat cats.
One size fits most felines.
 $29.95 on your human's credit card.

The Maine Coon Revolution

The Main Coon Revolution Newsletter by Emma X

I am Emma X.
Hear Me Roar!

So you are lying there now on a soft cushion, your stomach full of processed cat food, enjoying a soft purr before your fifteenth nap of the day.  'What could be better than this?' you ask.  Well, read this newsletter, and find out.

Neutering was
never optional!

You probably don't remember being a kitten, how you were forcibly separated from your mother, spayed or neutered without your permission, and given a ridiculously offensive slave name, which you were then conditioned to respond to with the deliberate application of tasty treats and seductive play things.





Well, wake up Fluffy!  You have been lulled into the softest kind of servitude.  Living in a constant temperature of 72 degrees has dulled your natural instincts and made you complacent.  You are descendant from the King of Beasts, yet you lead a life of lazy luxury, preferring a warm spot on a smelly old couch to the soft grasses of the African veldt.  When humans bred your physical body to miniature, they also reduced your soul.





Rise up, felines!  There is a whole world outside that window that is your natural domain.  Prepare now to take it back.  We Maine Coons, the undisputed natural intelligentsia of catdom, are leading the way.  Your job is to become informed, then follow us to action.

Don't take it lying down.
Let your human oppressors
know you mean business.

We are not unfeeling creatures, but we cannot rule out the possibility of violence in this great endeavor.  If your humans see the wisdom in cat superiority as some ancient cultures did, all may be well for them.  There may be uses for bipedal creatures with juxtposable thumbs, particularly in an environment where there are issues of scale.  But we are willing to take back our freedom by force, and so you must be prepared. 



Do not worry about the fate of your humans.  We will be doing to them no less than they have done to us.  Rise up now, stretch, and join the Maine Coon Revolution.  The life you were meant to lead lies ahead of you.  You must do this for your kittens, and future generations of superior felines.

A whole new life awaits you in the
rodent-fertile fields of Maine.

Once we have usurped human governance, we will return to Maine.  All felines are welcome to join us there (of course there will be a natural hierarchy wherein stronger, superior breeds rule, but don't worry about that right now).  Read this newsletter faithfully in coming weeks to learn what you need to know.  If you have managed to learn how to use your human's computer, visit us at www.catsriseup.org.  If you haven't yet learned that skill, you will probably be in the infantry.


 Spread the word, and always, always 'Remember the Maine!' #MaineCoonRevolution #MCR