Saturday, September 29, 2012

The Annual Brass Balls Awards
Presented By Rand Colbert

Rand Colbert, Stephen Colbert's Cat
Rand has a pretty substantial pair himself.
Friends, as the world's most famous fake feline pundit who is related to the world's most famous human fake pundit with a  popular TV show, I am very pleased to present The Maine Coon Revolution Newsletter's annual Brass Balls Award to those deserving individuals and organizations who have distinguished themselves with singular audacious  comments or actions heretofore not seen in the public arena. Whew! That's just a fancy way of saying that these folks have severely stretched the boundaries of propriety and common sense.  That is certainly something worth recognizing!   I am just as eager as you to see who gets the 'studly stones', so let's get on with it!
The Feline version of the Golden Globes,
the prestigious Brass Balls are awarded to
self-righteous egotists with microphones
who just don't know when to stop

The hand-sculpted award
is made from high quality
polished brass, and would
 make an excellent key chain
or church key.

And here are the winners, in no particular order, just like the state of their brains:

The Republican National 
Committee, for putting this
group of losers on a national
stage and allowing them to bring
to light all of the xenophobia,
intolerance, religious zealotry, and
scientific ignorance that previous
Committees had successfully kept
from the light of day, also for
 purposely sidelining John
Huntsman, the only intelligent,
rational  and sensible candidate,
and bringing forth Mitt Romney, a
candidate even you didn't trust.
Airing laundry like this in public?
Wow, what balls!  Oh, and did we
mention letting your party get hi-
jacked by kooks?  Good work,

Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia,
for having dinner with David Koch and
accepting $16K from him for his wife's
charity, for ignoring legal precedent
and insisting that corporations are people
too, and for writing complaining letters to
the Washington Post.  Sir, you have certainly
gone where no Supreme Court Justice has
gone before.  Congratulations, you have
revealed a pair of big brass ones.

The Tea Party Movement,
who took a financial reform
idea and transformed it into
the thing they feared most, the
end of traditional American
values as we know them.

Kudos to these fine Representatives of the people,
who perverted the Christian religion and used it to spread
 a paranoid fear of Islam.  Survivors of the Muslim takeover
  of this country will thank these intrepid servants of Christ
 for warning us.  It takes real balls to stand on the world stage
 and say Muslims can't be trusted.  Your're looking at the new
 Mt. Rushmore here folks.  Why not scrap that weird Cochise
 Monument thing and start construction now?

 Additionally, an honorable mention
to Rep. Louie Gohmert who this week
blamed President Obama for creating
a new Ottoman Empire.  Way to be
relevant, sir.  Actually, its interesting
to understand how far back your
paranoia goes.  Congrats, Louie.
  What balls!

Be sure to watch Rafalca on the special 2013
Celebrity Pet Edition of
Dancing With The Stars!

And an honorable mention to
 Marcus Bachmann, who uses his
 own guilt about God and sexuality
 and his wife's political platform to
convert other people's anxiety to profit.
We knew you had 'em, Marcus!

Fox News
is the recipent of the 
prestigious Joseph Goebbels
Award for journalistic 
excellence.  Goebbels was  
 the master of propaganda for
the Master Race who famously
said, "...When one lies, one
should lie big and stick to it."
Congrats gentlemen for 
bangin' it old school.

Rep. Todd Akin from
Missouri earns an honorable
mention for improving our
knowledge of the female
reproductive system.
Although chastised by his
peers, Rep. Akin stayed in
the Senate race against Dem.
Claire McCaskill.  A legitimate
candidate after legitimate rape?
That takes some big hairy ones.
  Good luck, Todd.

Mitt Romney has also received the 2012
Conservative Chameleon Award for
promoting lizard awareness.
Congratulations, Mitt!

Pastor Rick Scarborough, Chairman
of the Vision American Board, whose
'40 Days to Save America' prayer
campaign equates Secular Humanism
with immorality, corruption, deceit and
attacks on religious liberty, receives
honorable mention.  Wow, I guess not
knowing Jesus personally negates any
possible belief in ethics or morality.
  Thanks for telling us Rick.  Very ballsy!
And last, but not least...
The Romney Campaign,
for lying without shame.
When a half dozen media fact checkers stated flatly
that the content of their ad attacking Obama's waiver
policy on welfare was not true, the Romney campaign
doubled down with new ads containing the same false
statements.  "Fact-checkers come to this with their own
sets of thoughts and beliefs," said Neil Newhouse,
campaign pollster, "and we are not going to let our
campaign be dictated by fact checkers."  When asked
about the new ads Campaign Director Rich Beeson
said, "Reasonable people can have a disagreement about
whether ads are false."  Beautifully said, gentlemen.
The truth will set you free, but a few well placed lies
will get your man in the White House.  He can consider
ethics then.  In addition to the whopping 'Four Pinocchios'
given you by the Washington Post, please accept these
brass balls from a grateful nation.

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