Cannabis and Cantaloupes
by Nebu Ganesh

Nebu Ganesh, Upstate Liberal.
If there is an honest man among them, its
probably Steve King.

So here we are again.  I would like to be making sophomoric jokes about Anthony Weiner's wiener, but Steve King keeps raising his ugly bulbous head and blocking my view.  The House Representative from Iowa has gone mainstream with his hateful vitriol about Latino immigrants, causing unwanted negative attention toward conservative immigration policies.  Now he informs us that the children of illegal aliens are worse than the dogs he describes in his favorite metaphor; they're drug mules, intent on destroying our culture and soaking up all our hard-earned resources so they can bask in the light of stolen liberty.  But at least this colorful representation gives us more detail about our wily enemies.  They are young, they weigh 130 pounds, and they have calves the size of cantaloupes.  Keep a look out, America.  These perpetrators will be very easy to spot on school playgrounds.

Don't mistake frustration for righteous indignation.  Trust me, the GOP has good measure of the length and breadth of hateful feeling in their ranks, but now that Steve is spreading his offal on CNN airwaves, House Republican leaders have to appear to be appalled like the rest of us.  Speaker John Boehner and Majority Leader Eric Cantor condemned King's remarks. Representative Raul Labrador (R-Idaho), who was born in Puerto Rico, called King's remarks "irresponsible and reprehensible".

Trey Gowdy, Chairman of the House Immigration Sub-
Committe, and Eric Cantor, Majority Leader.
Gowdy said that, " the number of people that have Steve King's
precise ideology with respect to immigration is not a sufficient
number to derail anything".  Cantor called King's comments
 "inexcusable".  Both Gowdy and Cantor voted against the
 DREAM Act.

What is actually irresponsible and reprehensible is that the Republican Party has let this hateful crap go on for so long.  No one is surprised by King's bigoted lies.  He didn't just crawl out from under a rock last Wednesday (although I do believe that is where he hibernates).  It was convenient enough to allow this vitriolic rhetoric to go on during the 2012 election process, and if the GOP hadn't painfully figured out that the Hispanic vote can swing poll results, they wouldn't give a flying f**k about the plight of illegals in this country, let alone their children. Name one bill, or portion of a bill in support of immigration reform that this Congress, or the last Congress has passed. What is true, is that House Republicans, banding behind Steve King, have already voted to deport DREAMers.

Oh, you say, they are working on it.  Yes, Boehner and Kantor are putting together a bill to replace the DREAM Act that The House killed earlier this year.  After all, whatever measly piece of crap legislation that might go through has to have the GOP brand stamped all over it.  That is the point, isn't it?  But they are going about it with the enthusiasm of a petulant child forced to eat an unappetizing plate of steamed broccoli.  There is no humanitarian motive behind the process.  They just know they have to eat their disgusting vegetables before they get any political patron dessert, veggies that probably were picked by illegal immigrants.

Let's do the math.
OK Jose, if an illegal Mexican drug mule weights 130 lbs
and can carry 75 lbs of weed, how many trips will it take
him to corrupt U.S. social structures and end freedom as
we know it?  Yes, that's right.  The answer is one.  Now
how about this:  There are 1.7 million children of illegals
 in this country.  If 1 out of every 100 of them is a valedict-
torian, that means that there are currently 17,000 illegal
valedictorians.  How many buses will it take to deport
them and their families?

Representative Joe Garcia (D-Fla) said that King's comments were "beneath the dignity of this body (The House) and this country". Sadly, the dignity of The House has become a low standard to meet.  In a room filled with lying, backstabbing, greedy, partisan toadies of big industry, Boehner counts it a good work day if nobody gets bitch-slapped on camera.  That is because fringe psychopaths like Steve King feel they are running the show now.  And that is because the chief officer in charge of morale and deportment, The Speaker of the House, has allowed things to degrade to this point, as 'irresponsible and reprehensible' as that sounds.


GOP National Committee Chairman Reince Priebus recently told a gathering of Latino officials that the Republican Party is reshaping its outreach to minority groups.  He said, "In America, it doesn't matter where you come from;  it matters where you are going".  Another term for 'reshaping' is 'gerrymandering', and guess what? From the shape of the 2014 Republican candidate roster, it looks like DREAMers will be going back to Mexico.

The new image for American DREAMers,
as Representative Steve King would have you see it.

Want some cantaloupe with that pork?
As usual, there are no facts to back up
Steve King's claims.  He says he got his
information about the 1 to 100 ratio
between valedictorians and drug mules
from anecdotal conversations with
border patrol agents.  Sadly, we are not
able to report the number or weight of
those agents, or how many of them were
valedictorians as well.  We do know that
Steve has balls the size of cantaloupes that
allow him to carry hate to a new low level
of public discourse.