Saturday, April 27, 2013

Martian Membership
By Emma X

Emma X
One more small step for mankind that
excluded women.
There wasn't going to be a blog this week.  The news out of Boston and West, Texas was horrible.  Certainly nothing to make light of.  And of course our legislators let us down again on gun control.  Not entirely unexpected, but there is the problem.  There is nothing new, and a feeling person can't make sport of tragedy.  Then it came to my attention that the geeks at NASA had drawn a penis on the surface of Mars.  Hurrah!  My faith in human absurdity came back with burgeoning buoyancy.

NASA says the phallic figure is a natural result of one of its six-wheeled rovers changing direction.  Don't you believe it.  Those guru geeks at the controls love to play with their joy sticks, and I'm sure one boring afternoon they decided to put their equipment through some paces.  The dorks drew a dork.  They should proudly own up to it, and not even suggest it was inadvertent.  It's a good joke.  Of course, I am not one to criticize, seeing as the last MCR blog was basically just a full page of fart references.  (For those of you who enjoy that sort of thing, please read 'Inherit the Wind'.  For those of you who might be offended, my humble apologies, and please know for future reference that the tone of this newsletter will probably not improve.)

Mohawk Guy was always a little too hip
for his peer group.  My conspiracy theory
says he was the mastermind behind the
whole boner brouhaha at NASA.

So I have embraced my first conspiracy theory, and I choose to believe that NASA has spent more than $1.8 billion to draw a big erect schwanz on the red planet. And why not?  Humans are at best a crude and aggressive species.  It's not hard to believe that homo sapiens might drunk drive dad's big boy missle through the galactic environs and end up defacing the neighbors yard with a twerp todger.

The new Martian Grand
Canyon near Olympus Mons.

The NASA nomes opted to not
include female goddess imagery
when vandalizing the red planet.
My complaint is this; as usual, no one thought to place a female symbol on the red planet.  Why no Martian vagina?  I mean, its a simple slit trench, guys.  I'm sure your Radio Shack robot could manage to reproduce a basic feminine fertility icon. No, I have to believe that we have just exported misogyny to new planetary frontiers.  In retrospect, we could probably not expect anything else from a group of trekkies who have never actually seen a vagina, even though they could have probably produced that image more efficiently, and for about $.74 cents on the dollar. Still, the whole mechanical member story made me smile during a rough week.  I guess sexist dweebs are good for something.

The red flagpole of controversy.
Archeolgists excavating Roman ruins find erect phalluses scribbled on public streets
to show the way to local brothels.  What are we saying to alien civilizations who
might happen upon our technical erections?  We should anticipate an out-of-this-world tourist boom.

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