Saturday, October 13, 2012

Theater of Illusion
by Emma X

Halloween is not my favorite holiday.  When the religious right decided in the middle ages that cats were too 'familiar' with certain witches things got a little dicey for my species.  Religious zealots killed so many cats that they actually increased the rodent population in Europe, thus spreading the Black Death.  Not your finest moment, humans.  And it is interesting how centuries of superstition and ignorance survive in human culture.  The eve of All Saint's Day is still dangerous for felines.  Hey, at least I'm not a black cat.  The ebony-hued of my ilk hide under the bed until November 1st.  
Potent archetypes are powerful cultural
symbols, as illustrated here; one is the
universal symbol for mindless evil and demonic
possession, the other is a black cat.

OK, so in this day and age being tossed on the bonfire with the crazy old human lady that raised me is not likely.  I would still like to pitch a bitch about another unenlightened tradition, namely feline Halloween costumes.  Look folks, cats don't like to wear clothes.  That's just the way it is. We know we're cute.  That's why you tolerate the 'tude.  But we're not babies or little yappy dogs.  We don't fantasize about looking like pumpkins or wizards.  And I don't need a yeast infection from sporting your stale bread.  So just save the $5.99 at Walmart.  If you put that princess outfit on me I am going to immediately rip it to shreds, because I still have some self-respect.
Joe Biden as the Knight Errant.
Like him or not, Joe went Medieval
on Paul Ryan Thursday night, restoring
the honor of the Democrats and reviving
morale on the eve of the final great

philosophical battle.
Paul Ryan is no stranger to the celebration of
bizarre quasi-religious rituals.  His constituents
may not recognize him during a full moon.

Clearly humans see things differently. You like to pretend you are something you aren't, especially in an election year, and obviously none of the pretense has anything to do with self respect.  Or current issues, for that matter.  I wonder how many of the cultural idioms associated with candidate posturing also hearken back to antediluvian paranoia?  If pretending helps you face your hidden political fears, then good luck processing the theater of illusion presented by the 2012 election.  How you even begin to keep the role playing straight in this Gothic morality play is beyond me.  Perhaps you should rely less on what you see.  As a cat I have very good vision but depend more on my hearing.  Why not forget the posturing and take a good listen to what the candidates are saying.  Better yet, do what I would do and lead with your sense of smell.  You can't hide the aroma of a steaming pile of pretentious horse s**t with proclamations of moral superiority.  This election will be won by a nose anyway.  
Mitt Romney wears masks even
when it isn't Halloween.  Here he
poses as a Reagan centrist conservative.
Reagan was known as the Great
Communicator.  Romney will go down
in history as a Master Debater.

Kittens do not understand political
symbolism in human culture, or
the proper dimensions of a good
ghost costume.  It's best all around
if felines don't celebrate Halloween.

Ann Colter as the archetype of Neo-
Conservative Feminism.  She has a
new book that explains that
racism does not actually exist in this
society, it is just an excuse for lazy
 stupid people who try to get over

on the government's dime.
What a unique new way to look at
race relations, Ann.

Now don't I just look happy?
I get to wear this turd on Easter,
too.  How about giving it a
break this year?  You wear the
costume, and I'll stop shredding
the back of the couch.  How's that
for a deal?

Bainsy dressed as the Angel Moroni
ready to greet the Romney family on Halloween.
Mittens sends his love to all.
Happy Halloween Everybody!

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