by Emma X
|Emma X, Alpha Female|
People compete for sex openly,
But performing publicly is taboo.
|Humans do not understand the concept of sport.|
Give a medal to anyone who can outrun this.
(or present it posthumously to the grieving family)
|Cats perform at an Olympic|
level every day. We don't
understand what all the fuss
|Meet 'Spivy' Richardson. He takes the Gold,|
Silver and Bronze every night in an alley near
Lake Ronkonkoma. If his performance were
judged by human standards there would be
statues erected in his honor.
|You're not going to see this any|
time soon. Feline's don't need
sponsorship or peer recognition.
Maybe just a little catsup.
|Hope Solo sees attempts made|
on and off the field.
Well, it could happen. Cultural norms are changing. This year athletes are happily talking about life in the Olympic village, where they are meeting new friends, trying new foods, and openly getting laid. Hope Solo, goal keeper for the American soccer team, told London's Daily Mirror that "there is a lot of sex going on at the Olympics. I've seen people having sex out in the open, getting down and dirty on grass between buildings". She also added, "I may have snuck a celebrity into my Beijing room without anybody knowing, and snuck him back out. But that's my Olympic secret".
|The USA could medal in the|
Saucy Wench competition in Rio,2016.
Parents would have to find qualified trainers
now. Maybe 'Toddlers and Tiaras' is far-sighted.
Hope honey, that's now an Olympic Revelation, not a secret. But maybe the amount of snogging and humping happening freely in the athlete's habitat is a strong indicator that humans should include the physical sex act as a five-ring Olympic event. A bevy of beautiful young athletic bodies in competition, representing a cornucopia of ethnic and gender diversity? TV viewership would increase dramatically, as would the market share, not only for the Olympics, but for training sessions and qualifying events. In a time of depressed world economy, this could be an imaginatively viable solution. The ancient Greeks competed naked in their events. Imagine a homage to the ancestors with a host of age appropriate physically fit specimens who have trained for their entire adolescent life to do just what their hormones are telling them to do. "Doing it for England" would take on a whole new perspective. Merchandise sales would go through the roof. And then there would be the Paralympic Games. I rest my case.
|50 Shades of Skin Color. |
Get real, humanity. It's all just a metaphor
for sex anyway. Find out who the best man
really is, and watch him perform on an
But as with most things, humans deny their animal instincts and glorify ideals foreign to their basic nature, such as 'fair play' and 'sportsmanship'. In reality, as with all of their best efforts, there is still graft, corruption, incompetence, drug use, political pandering and the threat of terrorism. London promoters just presented their 86 year old real Queen as a 'Bond Girl' and launched a parachuting pink sequins and pearl-clad drag queen into the Olympic stadium. How kinky. It's really not a big leap from a national psycho-sexual drama like that to the primal games I am suggesting. Danger, fear, exhilaration, symbols of power and an alpha-male. It's just a metaphor for sex. Put all of that into the games and find real satisfaction in one-on-one competition. At least the opening ceremonies would be far more interesting than what we were forced to watch last week. You could still keep the sheep. After all, representing national pride and cultural heritage is still important.
|People who historically were|
picked last for sports teams
could stand out in Sexual Olympic
competition. Meet the Google+
Masturbation Team. One of them will
surely take gold in the singles event.
Yours in the Spirit of Revolution, Emma X