Saturday, August 11, 2012

Rupert Murdoch FUX NEWS Online!
History Is Made With The Creation Of The First 24 Hour Feline News Site
Feline Historian James chronicles
the birth of the first 24/7 news site
 created just for cats.

By James The History Cat

News Mogul Rupert Murdoch.
His launch of FUX NEWS Online reflects recognition
of a growing online feline political culture, and an
increased potential market share.
Rupert Murdoch surprised the news industry today with the launch of his latest internet vehicle FUX NEWS Online, a web-based news and information service by cats, for cats. The new venture will be run by Murdoch's own trusted cat 'P.T. Barnum'.  

A burgeoning  activist feline revolutionary climate did not escape the notice of the octogenarian publishing mogul.  Always able to exploit a trend, Murdoch's creation coincides with ground breaking feline political ventures into cyberspace. Critics and competitors scorn the viability of the move, questioning openly whether there are enough news-oriented felines with basic computer skills to make the project profitable.  Manufacturers of kitty litter and kibble treats are edging cautiously toward the FUX bandwagon.  The actual spending power of the average American house cat remains an industry unknown, although their owners spend billions annually.  
Rupert Murdoch's cat P.T. Barmum.
He has earned several Politifact 'pants on fire'
ratings for his commentary on
will carry on the Murdoch family tradition of
'fair and balanced' news reporting.  "Truth is
a relative thing,"  he says.  "We will provide
pro-American Christian house cats with a
world perspective they can appreciate".

The FUX NEWS announcement comes as Murdoch resigns directorship from several News Corp boards in the wake of a British wire-tap scandal.  Skeptics point out that there are no FCC or other regulations covering the proper dissemination of news to the global cat community, making FUX a fertile environment for the unfettered continuation of Murdoch's 'fair and balanced' form of conservative propaganda.  He assumes that felines adopt the political views of their owners, and the whole family will access FUX, not just household cats.

He may be wrong about that.  Cats are loners in the wild.  In the artificial home environment mandated by life with humans, felines still keep their own counsel. Humans may be shocked by sentiments expressed by cats about their 'owners' or their captive life in general.  But all of that is just more fodder for Murdoch's controversy mill.  He sends up brightly painted incendiary rockets and does not particularly care where they land. In his long career he has learned that conflict = profits, and he tends to keep ethics on the back burner.

The modified FOX NEWS logo is already inviting
 unwelcome comments. Murdoch says the 'O' became
 a 'U' when a cat face was added to the icon.  Kinder 
pundits are already making up acronyms such as 'Feline
 Ultra Xenophobic News'.  Less kind suggestions can
 be left to the imagination.
Despite a targeted feline audience, Murdoch plans to use the same basic formats as FOX NEWS.  All female anchors will be blond and wear red in at least 60% of photos and videos.  The male news reporters, although feline, will try to mimic the style of their FOX counterparts; that is to say, they will be well groomed and look and talk as if they were unemployable elsewhere.
"Let Us Prey"
Values may not translate
easily between species.
'Vulture Capitalism' has
a whole different meaning
in feline culture.

The first order of business at FUX will be promotion of the Fallwell 2012 presidential bid.  Murdoch feels the values put forth by the campaign mirror those of his following, and although most Americans are currently unaware that felines are making a run for the White House, he feels with proper exposure he can create interest for conservative readers who are unhappy with Romney.  He does not expect to gain votes in the effort, just page clicks.

Presidential hopeful Hairy Fallwell and
 running mate Romeo Rover are using human 
campaign models in their White House bid. Here they
 eat obligatory phallic hot dogs and pose for  'down home' 
photos at the Ohio State Fair.  Murdoch hopes that 
conservative humans will identify with the iconic images.

Murdoch's original concept included alldomesticated pets, but the idea was scrapped when the initial 
 'FUX and Friends' photo shoot ended badly.
Successful or not, today's launch of an online cat news network reflects a very positive milestone in the evolution of the feline struggle to gain rights and recognition within the confines of domestication.  For the average house cat, it is a paw placed in the right direction, and for a new generation of entrepenurial felines exploiting social media, the possibilities are limitless.

FUX Anchors 'Fetchin' Carlson PhD, and 'Doozy'.
Critics say too much effort was made to replicate
FOX NEWS success.  Most readers know that
cats don't like to wear wigs.  Or bread.

The Maine Coon Revolutionary Council has published this
 crude offering, suggesting it would be a better symbolic logo 

for  FUX NEWS Online.  Their message for politically
motivated domestic cats?  This is a sign of the apocalypse.
Get packed and be ready to move to Maine!

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