Saturday, September 14, 2013

You can view the calendar and
other merchandise at

House of Scandal
By Muffy Furburger

Muffy Furburger
Resident Sex Expert
Looks like things are particularly hot in


Here's one that got by me.  Did you know that the Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee produced a calendar revealing Republican financial scandals? There were so many GOP fraud investigations within a two year period (2011-2012) that the DCCC were able to produce a House of Scandal calendar, meant to be a revenue producer for the Democratic Party.  Interesting, but very likely a marketing failure, as I can't see where the effort continued after September, 2012.  I don't think the calendars flew off the shelves.  I can only speculate that Republican financial plots just aren't as appealing as the antics of horny Democrats.  Of great concern, yes, but not the thing to keep tongues wagging around the water cooler.

As a general rule, Democratic scandals tend to be sex scandals, eliciting much more media attention than the tax dodging, book-cooking efforts of the GOP.  That is not to say that Republicans do not get caught having the occasional men's room toe-tapping adventure, or that Democratic politicians are incapable of cheating on their taxes along with their long-suffering wives.  Both sides can embrace corruption.  They are politicians after all.

The calendar idea seemed unique.  It just lacked the pizzazz that a good titillating sex romp provides.  Perhaps it would have been more successful had they tarted it up a bit and added some spicy imagery.  So I have taken the opportunity to suggest how things might have been presented to boost appeal for the Liberal consumer:

Re-presenting the House of Scandal, Republicans Under Investigation Pin-up Calendar for 2012:

Florida Representative

Naughty Vern is under investi-
gation for violations of Fed-
eral election laws.  Vern
allegedly devised a scheme
whereby his employees were
reimbursed for donations to
his campaign, thus allowing
him to exceed legal donation
limits.  Vern wanted the amount
of donation money coming in
to "make him look good".
Well, nasty Vern certainly
does!  Our Mr. January is
the House Fundraising Chief
and Treasury Secretary of
the House of Representatives.
What magnificent testicular


New York Representative

Our bootylicious Michael is facing a
possible FBI probe for extortion.  What
a lucky guy!  Foxy Grimm allegedly
extorted campaign contributions from a
Rabbi.  He is also being investigated in the
House for other 'undisclosed' violations of
House Rules.  Oh Michael, you nasty,
nasty boy!  I'd be happy to meet you in

an undisclosed location.

MARCH, 2012
California Representative
and husband, former
Florida Representative

This passionate couple is accused
of cheating on their taxes.  They
claimed exemptions in both
Florida and California.  They will
likely survive the tax scandal un-
scathed, but unfortunately their
marriage won't.  In March of this
year the couple announced their
plans to divorce.  Good news for
tax dodge groupies!  This
desirable duo will be back on the
market soon.

APRIL, 2012
Florida Representative

Sultry Sterns allegedly offered
money and bribes to potential
Republican Primary opponent
James Jett to abandon a bid to 
run during the 2012 Primary
season.  Jett recorded every
conversation and reported 
them to the FBI.  Sterns lost
the Primary election, and the
FBI has not pursued the case.
Jett is still crying foul and 
demanding to know why the
FBI hasn't acted.  We can
certainly guess.  Look at those
luscious legs!

MAY, 2012
Florida Representative

This tempting bit of joy and his
investigation are still HOT,HOT,
HOT!  He is much desired by the
FBI and the IRS.  David allegedly
used campaign dollars as a slush
fund to pay for personal expenses
for himself and some lucky lady
companions.  He was then also
reimbursed for them, and took
deductions on his taxes.  He
pursued legislation for his
mother's gaming company and
was able to funnel $500,000 to
her, with $100,000 coming back
to him.  Looks like he's got
gaming in his blood too.  He
has also been caught lying to
the FBI.  Ooh you little stinker!
You'll become the darling of your
cell block when they get a load of
those pecs!

JUNE, 2012
Ohio Representative

This hunk of burning love is
currently under investigation by
the FBI for alleged campaign
violations.  It's the same story as
Mr. January.  A crony allegedly
reimbursed employees for
donations made, yadda, yadda,
yadda.  Don't worry about Jim,
he's very resilient.  Yes, Jim is
 very flexible indeed!

JULY, 2012
Florida Representative

Oh look who's back!  Steamy sex
toy Mr. January is now facing a
Federal Grand Jury.  Much of
the alleged evidence against Vern
came from people he tossed to
the wolves in attempt to pass
blame.  Best friend of 20 years
Tim Mobley was convicted in
March, 2013, for making illegal
contributions to Vern's campaign.
Business parter Sam Kazran says
Buchanan pressured him to lie in
an affidavit.  Keep screwing them
all, you sexy beast!  Your lust
for money and power is highly

AUGUST, 2012
Former Monroe County, New York
County Executive

Passionate Maggie oversaw a County organization
rife with corruption.  She allegedly used govern-
ment contracted labor on her campaign.  Cronies
got jobs and contracts.  Fifteen people involved
have pleaded guilty to various crimes that defrauded
taxpayers of an estimated $1,000,000.  A 2011 audit
by the New York State Comptroller alleges that
Brook's administration misled the City Legislature
into approving a $99,000,000 contract with the
Upstate Telecommunications Company (UTC) that
"smacked of favoritism and has cost millions more
than necessary".  The three UTC Board Members
were cronies, and two of them can't remember
ever attending a board meeting.  Probably because
they were too dazzled by voluptuous Maggie!

Failed Candidate for
Nevada Senator

Charismatic Danny has run for
several State Offices and lost.  In
2010 he made a failed bid for
Senator from Nevada.  The main
thrust of that campaign was to
convince voters that his
African-American opponent was
just pretending to be black.  I like
a man that thinks outside the box.
He is Mr. September because he
defaulted on a $17,000,000 loan
 for a proposed horse ranch.
The FDIC foreclosed on a parcel
of land intended to be used for the
business.  While appealing their
ruling, Tarkanian quietly moved
$300,00. in personal loans to
his campaign for Nevada Senator.
He is the registered agent for a
scheme that tricked 400 people
into sending $2,000,000. in
donations.  He also allegedly
helped incorporate at least 13
fraudulent charities that scammed
people through telemarketing
schemes.  This X-rated lover
really knows how to turn on
the charm!  Good luck, Danny.
Keep following your bliss.

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