Saturday, November 16, 2013

Men Behaving Badly, Sports Edition

Men Behaving Badly, Sports Edition
By Emma X

Emma X
Men need a stronghold to protect against
the feminization of Western culture.  Of
course, I don't object to the pussification
of anything.
I have to admit, men and women think differently.  And I am no great football fan.  So take that into account when I tell you, I don’t get the NFL locker room culture thing.  It seems to me that if behavior is wrong outside the arena, it must be wrong within.  But again, what do I know?  Men seem to need a place to behave badly, and one of the last great bastions of the free expression of unfettered testosterone seems to be the sports locker room.

Not all cultures produce good things,
but current and former members of the NFL are lining
up to tell us that what's going on in locker rooms is
traditional and harmless.  Simply put, that means that
it was done to them, and they in turn did it to someone
else.  That is how cultures are perpetuated and personal
image is protected.

Still, if somebody chooses to call you a half-n*gger on tape, that is either the greatest expression of cross-racial affection, or one of the crassest examples of team building correspondence in sports history.  In our current culture it’s hard to tell, and that is the basic problem.  We have too many sub-cultures within our melting pot society.  Rules of social behavior are badly integrated and too complicated for common understanding.

The Red Power Ranger
in the Room.
At 6'3", 320 lbs. Dolphins left guard
Ritchie Incognito is a beast on the field.
In all the interviews and cable news
chatter about this event, NOBODY has
even mentioned the possibility of

steroid use as a factor in his socially un-
acceptable behavior.  Everyone involved
agrees that that part of sports culture
can never be discussed publicly.
Miami Dolphins left tackle Jonathan Martin has been soundly criticized for taking offense to what is understood to be traditional NFL hazing because he doesn’t understand the culture.  All he endured was designed to make him a better player, to allow him to get tough emotionally while he trains his body to get tough physically.  His inability to cope makes him weak.  Making his discomfort public brands him a rat.  Whatever goes on in that rarefied place of male-on-male dominance is sacred enough to deserve silence.  So shaking down fellow players for $15,000 in lunch money in sports culture is not playground bullying.  It is character building.  Those of us outside the culture need to understand that this is not about traditional right and wrong; this is how a rookie becomes a veteran.  It is how a boy footballer becomes a man.  It is a beautiful thing.

Culture protects what a society
Once that is understood, there is
no conflict of message.
But what is Jonathan Miller supposed to know coming in to this culture?  He came from a place where you stood up to racial slurs and lunch money shake-downs.  But once in uniform he is supposed to view the same abuse as tough love.  I understand his confusion and frustration.

I suppose I could do better contemplating the wisdom of these sterling right-of-passage traditions if the sport of Football were not continually draped in public scandal.  But this is a brotherhood whose members have recently been involved in activities that challenge the culture outside the iconic temple, a list that includes, but is not limited to, rape, drug rape, spousal abuse, spousal murder, murder, drug and alcohol abuse, animal abuse, pederasty, cheating, gun running, whoremongering and generally unacceptable social behavior.  Of course we should still hold up players as American heroes. Differences in culture just makes conversations with the kids a little more complicated, that’s all.

It's a man's world where no one escapes
without physical, mental or emotional injury.  We
condone the violence, so why complain about what
 it takes emotionally to reach the end zone?
Best case, a professional footballer can look forward to a painful short career where he receives undue adulation and a pass on bad behavior that will be immediately revoked when he leaves the sport.  He will then join our wider culture that presents more restrictive rules.  He will face civilian life with a raft of physical injuries, including probable brain injury resulting in massive anger issues and memory loss, and a pair of testicles the size of peanuts.  He will be sporting an ego the size of Mount Rushmore but will have zero usable business skills.  He will face life as a still young man with a drastic reduction of income and a disproportionate statistically high probability of shooting himself to death.  But hey, that’s what the locker room culture is for, right?  To toughen him up for the game of real life.  I’m beginning to see how good it all is now.

So the bottom line is I’m not too rigid to learn, or to embrace fraternal culture.  I will  therefore leave you with this newly formed message of my affection:  Hey,  wassup you half 'whatevers' (dear reader, please fill in your own racial, gender or intelligence negative identifier)?  I want to sh*t in your orifice and slap you and your slut of a mama, with whom I have committed perverse sexual acts that she loved.  Kill, kill, kill!   It’s all out of a place of love, people.  All out of love.  I expect you all to pay for my Thanksgiving trip to the Bahamas, you worthless little four-eyed Google+ geeky genderless f*cks.  When you have, we will both feel spiritually enhanced, and emotionally more mature.  Thanks for reading.

The Roman's loved blood sport, and so do we.  We just imagine ourselves to be a bit more civilized.  We don't want to make direct association with the resulting emotional carnage.  If that happened, we might have to question our cultural values.

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