Saturday, October 12, 2013

The Greatest Gerrymander
By Nebu Ganesh

Nebu Ganesh,
Progressive Potentate

Go ahead and give grandpa a call.  Listen
to his complaints about his bursitis.  It
just may save the world economy.
As we sit waiting for someone in Washington to blink, we are left to contemplate who is happy about this House of Representatives cluster f*ck that is giving a whole nation angina.  I mean we know about the Founding Funders and their special interest people, and the anarchist Tea Party Congresspeople skipping from newscam to newscam with school kid glee. But who are those stalwart 5%* of 'normal' people represented on polls who think that things are hunky dory in Congress right now?  Well the demographic for the Tea Party, after you subtract the Jesus Apocalypse freaks and inbred southern gun runners, is basically white men over 55.  I would guess way over 55, but that is the number with the inbreds and the paranoiacs off their meds factored in.  Let's just be politically incorrect and say old people, where 'old people' refers to a state of mind rather than biological age, and I will just admit bias because the only place I hear the Tea Party litany spouted these days is from old white devotees of FOX News. You know, the sexy babes that are excited that Rupert Murdoch is single again.  I'm sorry to wound Liberal readers with these prejudicial statements. But some old people in this country think that Congress is moving in the right direction, and they are home all day responding to pollsters.

The Next to Greatest Generation
has a message for you.  "You have been a great
disappointment to us.  We are leaving our money
to cat shelters, because you don't deserve what
we earned.  Why couldn't you have applied
yourself in Junior College and grown up smart
like that nice Teddy Cruz?  He loves his father."
This, the Greatest Generation and their not so great first born sons have lived long enough to see just about everything, so why not the end of the Global Market Economy?  Theirs will be the first and last generations to ride the wave of government entitlement programs from start to finish with no diminishment in terms or services.  In fact, their government perks have improved sweetly over the decades, because this group has always voted for politicians who promote their financial interests. And why not?  Their social benefits were earned, they believe.  Ours were not.

Might as well let 'er rip.
who cares about health insurance
at this point?  Especially yours.
This same mighty generation came back from World War II and the Asian wars with PTSD and alcohol dependency, for which there were no Socialist government support programs.  They were men of their times, and their times were racist.  They are not all geriatric Yodas spouting the wisdom of the ages. Some of them are spouting some pretty hateful things, and voting their angry minds.  They can do so without fear, because no politician in more than thirty years has passed legislation that would touch their entitlements. Their generation is exempted in every proposal to change Social Security or Medicare.  They've got Social Program Fiscal Tenure, if you will.  So they can watch you hang. And they might just enjoy that, since you never text your grandma anymore.

Selective Social Shame
John McCain gave his fellow lawmakers
hell this week about the denial of military
death benefits for active duty veterans.
He told them that Obamacare was a done
deal because of the results of the last
election, and said his fellow Republicans
should be ashamed of leading America
down this path.  He has never felt shame
about bringing Sarah Palin to the political
forefront, though.  The Tea Party really
took off after McCain introduced her as a
viable Vice Presidential candidate.  Main-
stream Republicans aided and abetted the
Tea Party view, enjoying their antics and
often repeating their rhetoric when it
seemed advantageous to do so, and they

used them to try to sway elections, as
McCain himself did.  There is even more
shame to go around than he currently
They worked 40 years of double shifts at the foundry to give you and your ungrateful parents a leg up in life.  And for what? So that your liberal education could cause you to question everything they believe in and fought for?  So that their hard earned money can be redistributed by the government to a generation of foul-mouthed upstarts who can't keep their pants up?   They conquered the Hun and put Communism in check but their thanks is getting to listen to you spout off about Bono and Progressive Humanism?  No wonder they're angry.

I still like Ike.  That sweet blonde lady on FOX
 News says that a debt ceiling default won't amount
to much, just like our grand kids.  Its the same with
global warming.  We came through the Dust Bowl
all right.  Liberals are just a bunch of wimps.  We'll
keep voting Tea Party.  It's the best way to keep more
pansies from getting in to Congress.

Now I'm not saying that your right-leaning elders are vindictive. I'm sure your granny is very sweet and loves you very much. But they are uncomfortable in the current culture.  Can we say it? They are racially prejudiced. They are fearful, and therefore easily led.  And because the world they understood is in fact gone forever, they are angry.  They think that we have made crap out of everything they fought to save, and maybe they're right.  FOX News tells them that they are,  and a little geriatric empowerment can be refreshingly meaningful as they pause to reflect on life's rewards, or lack of them.

So they can let your Liberal agenda crash and burn.  They have lived through much worse, and think that a good Depression may help build in you that strength of character you sadly lack.  Just one word of warning to the Tea Party, though.  Touch those Social Security checks at your own peril. Remove one, just one, of their Medicare benefits, and you'll be looking down the barrel of German Mauser liberated from the cold hand of a former member of the Wehrmacht at Normandy. That would certainly qualify as a justifying reason for the Founding Fathers giving us the Second Amendment. Age brings clarity, you know.

* The AP poll released Wednesday, 10/09/13 reports the current Congressional Approval Rating to be a whopping 5%, the lowest in history.  Stand proud, America.  We put those underachieving morons in office!

The tea knives are out.  Tea Party elders want you to know that they're not dead yet, and they vote.  Even after they're dead, they will continue to vote in Ohio, Texas and Florida.  They are the Americans that the Tea Party says don't want Obamacare, and they are a big part of the reason that your economy will be in the sh*tter next week.  You can argue about it with them when you are all drunk at Thanksgiving.

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