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| Emma X |
Editors Note: Friends, The Revolution is increasing in popularity thanks to savvy feline readers like yourself, and consequently requests for paid advertising space within The Maine Coon Revolution Newsletter are increasing also. In general I am very glad, as we are finding it more and more difficult to obtain certain weapons of a special size, not to mention recent dramatic price increases on surface to air missiles (which reminds me, Sergei, give me a call back. I have your check. Spasiba). Jeez, I don't know where you're doing your security shopping, but weapons costs are busting our budget in this crappy economy. Walmart sold out of the really big hardware after 'Fast and Furious'. Anyway, things are going well generally, but we continue to get requests for ad placements from groups that can't quite meet our moderate insertion fees. Unlike the U.S. Congress, the Revolutionary Council is willing to work with everyone, even with those who espouse philosophies with which we don't necessarily agree. Our solution was to offer one 'Newsletter' to multiple parties with diverse interests. So please patronize, vote for, or otherwise support our new economy-minded friends who are hawking their services or wares in this special edition newsletter, and thanks to all who take the time to read it. --X
Breaking News:
The C.A.N.N.A.B.I.S. Party Wants Your Vote!
In direct response to what is viewed as an ominous threat by far right-wing religious organizations seeking to usurp a free America, two relatively unknown left-leaning groups, Cats Against Negative Naysayers, and the American Brotherhood for an Integrated Society have joined to form the C.A.N.N.A.B.I.S. Party, a pro-free speech, pro-right to choose, pro-gay, pro-bi, pro whatever floats your boat political party whose purpose is to put a cat that 'speaks for all humanity' in the White House, or wherever, in 2012.
"America is great because of Rock and Roll", says Waldo Ozbongi, the original founder of Cats Against Negative Naysayers, and current C.A.N.N.A.B.I.S. presidential candidate. "These people want to put an end to all that. I am proud to stand against anything that will make this country boring. Oh yeah, and all that freedom of the press and freedom of speech stuff is important, too. There's just too much negativity in this political space", says Ozbongi. "It's like effecting the whole universe of thought in this country. You can just feel the negative vibrations in our plasmic aura. My old lady and I will show America how to chill out". Ozbongi currently resides in a cave somewhere in the southwest, but will leave his 'crib' long enough to make some 'pithy' political statements and help design T-shirts.
C.P. Humphries will stand as the C.A.N.N.A.B.I.S. Vice-Presidential Candidate. He founded the American Brotherhood for an Integrated Society while still a graduate student at Harvard. "We protested against the human-size chairs in lecture halls. The backs of the chairs were not comfortable, and we couldn't see the lectern from the seats". He went on to organize fellow feline students in a further demand to put 'pet doors' in all Harvard buildings. While his efforts were wholly unsuccessful, Humphries continued to build the organization to become a voice for all 'mammals of short stature who remain largely unnoticed' in American society.
The C.A.N.N.A.B.I.S. Party Platform
We will legalize everything, thus creating jobs for everyone who wishes to nurture, grow or build whatever they want to while following their bliss. We will eliminate border hindrances, allowing people and mammals to come and go as they please, as the universe intended. We will pass no laws, expecting that mature adults will work out their differences in a fair and kindly manner. We will spend no money, but will grow what we need and barter with our neighbors. We will take care of our loved ones in recognition that every being on the planet is part of our family. And everyone will be allowed to believe what they want to and talk about it freely.
Vote For Individual Freedom.
Vote For
Positive Energy.
Vote Ozbongi/Humphries 2012
"America is great because of Rock and Roll", says Waldo Ozbongi, the original founder of Cats Against Negative Naysayers, and current C.A.N.N.A.B.I.S. presidential candidate. "These people want to put an end to all that. I am proud to stand against anything that will make this country boring. Oh yeah, and all that freedom of the press and freedom of speech stuff is important, too. There's just too much negativity in this political space", says Ozbongi. "It's like effecting the whole universe of thought in this country. You can just feel the negative vibrations in our plasmic aura. My old lady and I will show America how to chill out". Ozbongi currently resides in a cave somewhere in the southwest, but will leave his 'crib' long enough to make some 'pithy' political statements and help design T-shirts.
C.P. Humphries will stand as the C.A.N.N.A.B.I.S. Vice-Presidential Candidate. He founded the American Brotherhood for an Integrated Society while still a graduate student at Harvard. "We protested against the human-size chairs in lecture halls. The backs of the chairs were not comfortable, and we couldn't see the lectern from the seats". He went on to organize fellow feline students in a further demand to put 'pet doors' in all Harvard buildings. While his efforts were wholly unsuccessful, Humphries continued to build the organization to become a voice for all 'mammals of short stature who remain largely unnoticed' in American society.
The C.A.N.N.A.B.I.S. Party Platform
We will legalize everything, thus creating jobs for everyone who wishes to nurture, grow or build whatever they want to while following their bliss. We will eliminate border hindrances, allowing people and mammals to come and go as they please, as the universe intended. We will pass no laws, expecting that mature adults will work out their differences in a fair and kindly manner. We will spend no money, but will grow what we need and barter with our neighbors. We will take care of our loved ones in recognition that every being on the planet is part of our family. And everyone will be allowed to believe what they want to and talk about it freely.
Meet the Candidates
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| For President of the United States, Waldo Ozbongi. He lives in a cave in an un- disclosed location, and is called 'Maharisi' by the locals. |
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| Waldo's 'Old Lady' Moonbeam has been with him on and off for a decade or so. |
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| The current Ozbongi litter. Waldo proudly boasts that most of them are his. |
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| For Vice-President of the U.S., Cutie Pie Humphries. C.P. served briefly in the Clinton White House as Press Secretary for Socks, the Clinton's cat. He is unmarried, but says he is looking for the 'right guy'. |
Vote For Individual Freedom.
Vote For
Positive Energy.
Vote Ozbongi/Humphries 2012
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| Waldo is my choice to lead America until I return. Give all you can to the Ozbongi/Humphries 2012 campaign. A gift to Waldo is a gift to me. Donate now, and rock on. Dave, I can't wait to hear the next album. That Scranton sh*t was awesome! |
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Cat Humor
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| Nebu Ganesh, PhD |
Hello, I am Nebu Ganesh, Professor of Felidae Litera at the Feline University at Albany. Here at F.U. we don't take kindly to LOL cats. Showing an educated, articulate feline a LOL cartoon is like showing an 'Amos and Andy' retrospective at an NAACP convention (not that Mitt doesn't have that scheduled). Anyway, when cats express their distaste for the LOL fad, we are immediately told we have no sense of humor. This is definitely not the case. We cats find just as much humor in observing human behavior as you evidently do watching us. So let's assume for a moment that the average English speaking human cannot figure out tenses and does not know the difference between an 'S' and a 'Z', and look at some LOL Human cartoons that most felines find hysterical.
But first, lets take a look at some of the anti-establishment humor spawned by the current revolutionary climate:
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| Even felines who are not sympathetic to the philosophy of revolution find anti-human cartoons to be a laugh riot. |
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| I have to admit, every time I see this one I nearly bust a gut. |
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| They actually have more of a beef flavor. |
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| If you think a cat has no sense of humor, you should see how Junior's birds and hamsters react to this one. |
OK, I think you see from this brief representation that felines do indeed have a varied and quite sophisticated sense of fun. Let's look at some views of humanity from a cat perspective:
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| The joke is really about her husband. |
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| Republican handlers need to make a new rule: no phallic food on the campaign trail. Rick still didn't get the gay vote. |
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| and self-tanner is so expensive these days. |
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| OK, I know it is a bit of a stretch for humans, but founding father jokes remain a staple of humor around feline dinner tables. It's something about the tights. |
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| I have actually met the weasel. He says its is not as bad a gig as you might think. He enjoys living in New York City, where there is a vibrant corporate weasel population. |
I hope you see now that felines enjoy a healthy sense of humor. If this little exercise has changed your opinion even slightly, the effort was productive. For more information, visit us at www.FUlolhumans.edu., and have a great day.
This article was funded by the Feline University at Albany, NY as part of a federally funded community outreach program. 2012, all rights reserved.
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| Available August 7th Pre-order now at Amazon.com |
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